Humble, soggy pie
A glimpse into behind the scenes in my home can often be a scary place. My home is my happy place. Happiness in my eyes doesn't signify whether there is chaos or quiet to fill the rooms in my home.
Often what fills me up is simple; when my child feels well, I brew my coffee just right (that's my love language!), when I get a message or a phone call that great news has happened for someone I love, or seeing my rescue dogs cuddled together laying in the sun that beams directly into my sons room. Maybe what keeps me grounded is a glass of red wine (or a few), a cup of lavender lemon tea, or being able to coordinate and follow through with a routine for meeting my sons medical needs. I like grounded. I like setting my feet on solid ground, feeling my roots planted deep and caring for my own soul and purpose here on Earth. I like seeing just how far my roots can expand. Other days I don't mind the sun hitting my face and allowing it to be hot enough to let the sweat bead off, or accepting the wind to hit me so hard that I feel like I might float away with it. I don't know where it would take me, but I imagine it would return me right back to where my heart loves the most- Home. As much as I can appreciate standing on solid ground (mostly looking forward to the next mountain ahead of us in our journey), it humbles me on the days that the Earth is unsteady.
Today was the first Earthquake I've felt in a while. I hoped for a day filled where I could self seek a bit of personal fulfillment. Working on my business and crafting some blankets for my Abel's second birthday next month was on my list of "pouring into my own cup" today. Let me be real. THAT WAS A COMPLETE WASH! I don't know whether to blame this on the full moon or maybe I woke with an attitude that wasn't full of gratitude... but the ground was sure as all hell testing me to see if I could stay balanced.
SPOILER ALERT: I treaded water until I sank. The list of things that led me to asking on the Gods of support ( aka sending smoke signals to my family members who are my angels in disguise) is lengthy. The list? It doesn't matter. I gave the list of things that I allowed to drown me today to my past. It was a hefty gift to get rid of, but not the kind that keeps on giving. My past said thank you, and my present says YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I have this idea that we all "have our shit", and that's just the dose of humble pie I like to serve (warm or cold really). Thankfully I have a small tribe of people who fully acknowledge and soak up the meaning of that.
We all have bad days. They're sink, swim, tread, or float. I let myself sink for a little while today. It was damn cold under that mess of water I allowed to suck me under. The best part? Catching my breath when I've allowed myself to reach up for the air. The air might still be a little salty, but boy is it worth it. Maybe I'm sitting here a tad water logged, maybe I'm not. My day is no worse, nor better than others. As much as we all "have our shit", I chose in this moment to not air what I felt sucked HARD about my day. Maybe your day was better, maybe it was worse than yesterday. Tomorrow has an entire new humble pie that you haven't even tried yet. If your pie sucked and if you're sopping wet from sinking under the water today, aren't you blessed to likely get another chance tomorrow?
YES to that.
Send us some wild prayers for Abel to be on the mend from his second respiratory illness this winter. THANK YOU to the medical team who is so so very good to us. Because we have them to fight alongside Abel, we are home. If anyone ever has any questions about the good old trach life, or ventilator & O2 support we're on at home: I can tell you the 143 reasons why I am grateful for all said above support.
-Dee - Founder and Proud Owner of My Hero Calls me Mama
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